


Blast Radius

by Nellancholy



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Gen, Meta, briefly gory, very crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 05:15:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8565454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nellancholy/pseuds/Nellancholy
Summary: Ahri gets a fantastic idea involving one of the newly introduced fruits. "I bet I can fit that into my butt."





	

It all happened so quickly. Vi,getting used to the new jungle,had asked for help from Braum and Ashe for a leash on blue,only to be met with their insistence on warding the other side of bot jungle and waiting for the inevitable invasion that the new jungle meta was sure to create.

So it fell to Ahri to help out instead. In the midst of the pre-spawn dancing (Vi tried to pass it off as a "warm-up"),Ahri's gaze fell on the red,bulbous,smoking fruit that sat a short distance away. Then she uttered words she'd soon regret. "I bet I can fit that thing in my butt".

Well,she could.

She certainly wasn't ready for what came after.

And so it came to pass that Braum and Ashe's vigilance was interrupted by Ahri and Vi's hysterical screams.

Rushing to the scene,they were greeted with a sight not too much unlike what usually went on in the rift. Granted,stuff like this didn't happen this early in the match.

Ahri's entire pelvis had been obliterated by the detonation of the blast cone,leaving the remnants of her legs and tails strewn near the impassive blue sentinel as Vi let out shrieks usually reserved for 1v5s that ended as they usually tended to.

Ahri herself was somehow clinging to life,and to Vi's desperately kicking legs.

"GODDAMMIT VI I NEED YOU TO HEAL ME"

"I TOOK FLASH WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HEAL YOU WITH"

Responding perhaps a moment later than was optimal,Ashe ran towards Ahri,activating her heal.

Well,at least Ahri wasn't bleeding anymore.

She lay there whimpering,still in no state to return mid and take the first wave. Though,if they were paying attention,the four champions would have noticed that Katarina,Ahri's lane opponent,wasn't taking any minions either.

By this time,Vi's screaming had subsided into amused chuckling as she fantasized about Jinx attempting a similar feat. Of course,she could probably accomplish a similar result just by jamming her fists into some ideal places on Jinx's body.

A rustling in the brush put the three champions not wracked with pain back on alert,as Soraka poked her head out. Ahri gasped.

"Finally! Please please please just gimme my tails back..." She groaned,regret beginning to flow now that blood and acid and spinal fluid weren't.

"I'd love to...but I can't."

"Why nooooooot?! I-is it because I called you 'horse-cock' that one time?"

Soraka's face twitched with remembrance. "Now that you mention it...yes. But I was going to say that I'm not on the same team as you. So I can't heal you anyway."

Ahri began to let out a defeated wail,before a thought occurred to her.

"Soraka...you're going to have to kill me. Just throw a banana at me and end my miserable,tail-less life!"

Soraka gripped her staff,eyeing Ahri's allies warily. "As much as I'd love to...I'm not sure I should,so early in the match..."

Vi sighed. Even her patience had it's limits. Sure,they weren't very high limits to begin with,but still. "Do it or we'll kill YOU."

"B-but what's in it for me if I do it? Jinx won't be happy about me taking a kill..."

Vi gave it a moment's thought. "How about...if you do it...we'll kill you anyway?"

Soraka pinched the bridge of her nose. "So what's the difference?"

Vi shrugged. "You get first blood."

"...sounds good to me."

[First blood!]

[An ally has been slain!]

[...]

[An enemy has been slain!]

And so it was that Ahri learned a valuable lesson that day.

Giving leash is for suckers.


End file.
